It's Been A Long Time
Wow, hard to believe it has been several months since my last post. I don't know why I got out of the blogging habit -- God know there's always plenty to write/vent about, especially now with the Dhimmicrats running Congress (Heaven help us all)--
but for whatever reason, I got out of the posting habit. But, I am back now and hopefully better than ever!
Politics aside for a moment (and as I write this I am praying for the Brits to grow a backbone in the wake of the Iranian seizure of 15 British sailors), it has been an interesting few months, full of awesome highlights, the biggest of which being the surprise arrival of Carolyn, Mark, Maris and Al for my big 4-0 Party. Wow, 4-0. 40. FORTY. Now that takes some adjustment! But, hey, I am grateful to be healthy and alive...and it doesn't hurt that people tell me all the time I look at least ten years younger than my age!
Seriously, I am deeply grateful for all of the incredibly supportive and loving people that populate my life. I have been abundantly blessed in that area, and having some of my favorite loved ones fly to South Florida to celebrate my milestone birthday was....well, icing on the cake.
I wasn't planning to host a spirited, Philly-themed "Forty Favorites" celebration at first. Although I loved turning 30, this new number seemed to loom large and oppressive, fraught with regret for things done and undone, and concern for what is inevitably around the corner. After all, if I am aging, the same holds true for my parents (despite their overall good health and younger-than-their age looks). And, quite naturally, negative thoughts sometimes randomly float through my mind, in spite of everything I've learned and applied from Unity Church and the 4T Class.
Mainly they revolve around a fear of not finding and marrying the right person for me while Mom and Dad are still here to share in my joy. At times I wonder if my beloved groom exists at all. And even with positive prayer and affirmations, I frequently wrestle with the ominous fear of being alone forever and missing out on one of life's most exhilarating (some would add, infuriating) experiences. I want to shop for the perfect gown with Mom, walk down the aisle on Dad's arm and exchange vows with my perfect soulmate in the presence of family, friends and God. I want the day to day responsibility of looking after someone else and growing with that person through triumph, tragedy and everything in between.
Most often when these and other dark thoughts materialize, optimism and gratitude overcome them, and I go on with work, writing projects and life in general. But after all of the anticipation of planning my 40th birthday party, hosting unexpected and ecstatically-welcomed family, and reveling in the joy of close friendships (did I mention a fabulous cake and wonderful presents?), the realization of forty hit surprisingly hard. Combined with a recent bout of bronchitis (which made the rounds 'round here and in Philly), it (temporarily) stole my typical fighting spirit and dogged determination.
Then I remembered a devastating, life-altering day this past December, 2006 (To Be Continued).
but for whatever reason, I got out of the posting habit. But, I am back now and hopefully better than ever!
Politics aside for a moment (and as I write this I am praying for the Brits to grow a backbone in the wake of the Iranian seizure of 15 British sailors), it has been an interesting few months, full of awesome highlights, the biggest of which being the surprise arrival of Carolyn, Mark, Maris and Al for my big 4-0 Party. Wow, 4-0. 40. FORTY. Now that takes some adjustment! But, hey, I am grateful to be healthy and alive...and it doesn't hurt that people tell me all the time I look at least ten years younger than my age!
Seriously, I am deeply grateful for all of the incredibly supportive and loving people that populate my life. I have been abundantly blessed in that area, and having some of my favorite loved ones fly to South Florida to celebrate my milestone birthday was....well, icing on the cake.
I wasn't planning to host a spirited, Philly-themed "Forty Favorites" celebration at first. Although I loved turning 30, this new number seemed to loom large and oppressive, fraught with regret for things done and undone, and concern for what is inevitably around the corner. After all, if I am aging, the same holds true for my parents (despite their overall good health and younger-than-their age looks). And, quite naturally, negative thoughts sometimes randomly float through my mind, in spite of everything I've learned and applied from Unity Church and the 4T Class.
Mainly they revolve around a fear of not finding and marrying the right person for me while Mom and Dad are still here to share in my joy. At times I wonder if my beloved groom exists at all. And even with positive prayer and affirmations, I frequently wrestle with the ominous fear of being alone forever and missing out on one of life's most exhilarating (some would add, infuriating) experiences. I want to shop for the perfect gown with Mom, walk down the aisle on Dad's arm and exchange vows with my perfect soulmate in the presence of family, friends and God. I want the day to day responsibility of looking after someone else and growing with that person through triumph, tragedy and everything in between.
Most often when these and other dark thoughts materialize, optimism and gratitude overcome them, and I go on with work, writing projects and life in general. But after all of the anticipation of planning my 40th birthday party, hosting unexpected and ecstatically-welcomed family, and reveling in the joy of close friendships (did I mention a fabulous cake and wonderful presents?), the realization of forty hit surprisingly hard. Combined with a recent bout of bronchitis (which made the rounds 'round here and in Philly), it (temporarily) stole my typical fighting spirit and dogged determination.
Then I remembered a devastating, life-altering day this past December, 2006 (To Be Continued).
posted by Muzz @ 3/31/2007 11:41:00 PM
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